I feel sick with myself. I'm such a huge mess. I managed to get under 270 over Christmas and now I am back at 274.4. Fuck this. I need to loose. I've just written my commandments to live by and I will not deviate from them.
My ultimate priority is weight loss. I'm sure the fact I'm so fat is causing my body to hurt and ache more than a regular person. So I'm not going to allow myself to gain anymore. It's just a joke how much I hate myself, I've allowed myself to get this way.
I feel like I need to regain control of this urge to binge and snack. I will regain control. I will not allow my lazy fat self to continue this way. I'll be dead at 40 if I continue to gain at this rate.