August 20th

CW: 260

So I'm feeling pretty low today. I've been doing really well and I've hit 260, but I am just kind of hovering here now.

I keep binging, which is exactly what has got me in this mess to start with. I have some vacation days coming up. So hopefully I'll find it easy enough to avoid food, though usually it's the opposite and I struggle more.

I want to get a lot of activity in these next few weeks and do some firsts with my daughter.

Maybe even take her swimming, if I can cope with a costume.

August 3rd

Today... was a punishment. I gained 0.2 so I pushed myself for an hour this morning. I burned 833 calories. Almost threw up afterwards.

But it feels good to see subtle changes in my meatsuit. 

Lines of definition here, and solid muscles there. I ache. But I’ll remember all weekend why I ache. 

Because I can do better!

August 2nd

So far I have lost 44.2lbs

I lost 2.8 overnight.

I bet I gain tomorrow. I’m almost certain I will... if I do then I’m going to train even harder and lift heavier weights. The pain will remind me for days to come what an idiot I am!

This is what runs through my head every day. I go to bed scared of what the next day will bring. 

I miss the anaregzig blog. I wanted to read it for comfort and it’s been removed. It’s made me really sad. 

I feel that heavy feeling, like something bad is going to happen, but I know I’m just stressing. 

So tired. Night all...