Out of Control

Hello my lovelies J
 

Today’s intake.

Breakfast: Special K (20g) with Skimmed milk (100ml) – 146cals

Lunch: Tomato and Grilled Pepper Cup a Soup – 85cals

Dinner: (not had yet but I am thinking carrot/celery sticks and some hummous)

 

Water: 2/10 glasses

 

Things have been a bit up and down for me recently, I am trying desperately to accept my body and not fall back into the deep depression I have managed to kind of pull myself out of, but I am finding it very very hard at the moment.

I am trying not to deny myself anything I want, and trying to enjoy what I am having but it is getting harder and harder. Restriction for me leads to binges, and binges lead to purging so I don’t want to fall back down that slippery slope.

I am huge though, I think I am in (BMI) Obese II at the moment, so I feel like a whale. I haven’t had a lot of money so I have been trying to eat on the cheap, but cheap food isn’t really that good for you L

Things are good at home though, apart from the fact that I am struggling with my motivation to do anything. I just want to sit and relax which isn’t helping me.  I need to kick myself up the bum and get myself back in gear.

I am going to set my alarm for 6:15 am in the morning with the intention of getting my arse out of bed and going to the gym to get some early morning cardio in…. How can I force myself to do it?

Feeling a bit unsure.

So. Ive been absent for a while again while I worked on trying to accept myself. Everything seemed to be going well for quite a while... But things always take a turn and make me feel like shit.

Ive made friends at work. Two people on particular I was close to, I had a Week off on leave for my birthday and when I came back they're being "different" with me. 

I've always kept their confidence and been there for them, and now the connection just isn't there anymore. It's bringing me down a bit.

I'm trying to have the mindset of, other people don't validate your happiness, you need to be happy with yourself first.

But this is really bothering me.

It's making me feel a bit shitty if I'm honest.

Anna xx