As always

I'm a fucking failure. 10lb gain. 

276lbs

I am a mess!!!

Day2

Says it all really this pic...

My own laziness! Ruined a perfectly good day. I had Patty and Chips with mushy peas (from the chippy). I ate only half of the chips, but the carb fest set me craving sweets all night... the result is a 1.8lb gain!!!

Day 1 of the rest of my life

So I decided to journal again. I haven't done it in ages but I can't lose if I don't track what I am eating and my thoughts... Here is Day 1

 My handwriting is appalling but I guess it makes it more real... you get to see the real me! If you can read it. 

Stalemate

So recently I seem to have hit a real sticking point. Despite trying to lose weight (I wanted to lose 14lbs this month - which is more than attainable for me at my current weight) I have actually gained 0.6lbs!!!

I feel sick. Not because I want to lose so much weight, but because I actually haven't lost anything. I feel like a fraud, a failure. 

August will be different! I will not have a repeat of this shit show! 

I want people to look at me and be shocked! I want to feel comfortable. I don't right now :( 

Bloating and Gas

Oh...my...god

I have never felt this rubbish in my life!!! This last week has been terrible. I have no idea why but since I started restricting (trying to) again, I have had THE WORST gas! Like I'm literally so bloated I feel pregnant again. 

I actually spoke to my Dr about the bloating and troubles I am having with  BM last week and said that I mourn the ability to use the toilet properly. 

I used to be so regular, every morning without fail I'd wake up, poop and weigh myself. But I've ruined it. Long term laxative and codeine use have completely fucked up my digestive tract! 

Who said eating disorders were glamourous? Eh? Join us if you never want to shit properly again! 

Binge/Cry repeat...

I binged last night, I was almost set to finish the day on <1000cal and then I go ahead and binge on 8 fucking shortcake biscuits that I bought last week. I don't even know why I do it. Its like I set myself up to sabotage myself.

Shopping when hungry is a curse!!!

Yesterday I had

B - Coffee w/skimmed milk and a sweetner - 10 cal
L - Mash Pot - 150cal. Chicken Katsu Bites (I should not have bought these!!!) 350cal
D - Chicken Burrito 350cal
S - Apple 80cal, 8 Shortie Biscuits (382 cal)

I have gained 1.6lbs since yesterday - the only difference was that I didn't get chance to make a BM before I went to work this morning. Sooo I am hoping for a loss tomorrow.


CW: 270.2lbs (gain of 1.6lbs)

Food for the day

B: 100g Skinny Latte Yoghurt (50cals), Skinmed milk coffee (5cals)

L: Mash Pot (150cals) Milky Way (96cals), Diet Coke

D: chicken wraps with salad (363cals)

Snack: Apple (50cals)

1ltr water

Relapse

CW: 268

GW1: 250

UGW: 110